


Emotions

by LeeannaMarie26



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-01
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-08-13 22:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16481126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeeannaMarie26/pseuds/LeeannaMarie26
Summary: James Potter is just a boy, who feels different emotions.





	Emotions

When James Potter felt emotions, he felt them with his entire body. James felt many emotions throughout each day even when he hid them under a façade. 

Sadness is a common feeling among the human population. James knew sadness, but it wasn’t as familiar as other feelings. James felt sad, just not too often or too deeply. For James sadness started in the tip of his nose, and then it flooded over him like a downpour. The sadness would get James in the pit of his stomach, it felt as though there was a dumbell weighing him down. 

The first time James felt this blue emotion was before Hogwarts, before he met his friends. When James was nine, he got his first glimpse of sadness.

The Potter’s living room wasn’t small, but every inch of it was homey. The room wasn’t neat, it was quite the opposite. Euphemia Potter was something of a neat freak, but Fleamont Potter was, for lack of a better term, a slob. Apparently her son, Mr. James Potter, inherited that trait from his father. Quidditch memorabilia covered 2/4 corners. Stacks of papers lined the coffee tables along with a variety of empty mugs. James would sit on the recliner in one of the empty corners and read about quidditch. His dad loved quidditch and Fleamont passed that adoration onto his son. 

One night all three Potters were sitting in this living room, with the fireplace roaring in the hearth. James was reading his favorite quidditch book, Fleamont was on the couch, finalizing some paperwork for. Euphemia was sitting right next to him, hugging a mug closer to her chest and watching her family. Everything was going smoothly, there weren’t a lot of threats in the wizarding world right now and the family was getting some well deserved quiet time. 

One of the curtains closest to James billowed in the wind, then a glowing white orb whooshed through the window landing right above the coffee table. James would learn later that this orb was called a patronus and was often used to deliver emergency messages. Fleamont and Euphemia abandoned what they were doing, stood up, and took their wands out of their robes. James set his book down on the side of his chair and went to stand by his parents.

The patronus spoke, To Mr. and Mrs. Fleamont Potter, the staff of St. Mungo’s Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, regret to inform you that at 7:38 this evening Mrs. Potter senior has passed away this evening due to old age. As visiting hours are not in session please respond as soon as possible. We offer our condolences in this trying time for you and your family. Tomorrow we are open from 7:00 to 7:00. Have a pleasant evening. 

With that the orb dissolved melted into the stale air of the Potter home. The Potter’s stood, unmoving, barely breathing. James felt a tingle that started at the very forefront of his nose, his eyes welled up with tears. Before his mind even processed what really happened tears began spilling out from under his long lashes. The tingly feeling spread all over his body and it felt like he was doused in cold water. He looked up at his mum and dad, but tears blocked his vision. Fleamont had crumpled onto their couch, looking straight into the fireplace and James’s mom was sobbing into her hands. 

“We knew it was going to happen at some point Euphemia, it was her time.” Fleamont put a hand on her back and rubbed it soothingly. 

“James, it’s about time for you to go to bed. I’ll be up to talk to you in a moment, we’ll go to St. Mungo’s tomorrow morning.” Euphemia wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and knelt down to hug James around the waist. She rested her hands on James’s cheeks, and looked him straight in the eye. “Everything will be alright James. Your grandmother loves you very much, don’t ever forget that.” She kissed his forehead, and sent him upstairs.

James lay in bed staring up at the glowing stars on his ceiling. This was the first time James had experienced death, one of the first times he held genuine sadness in his heart. 

-=-=-=-

James was often excited by small things, like peeling the top off of a jar of peanut butter or when his Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans held a rare flavor. One of James’s favorite feelings was excitement. When James got his Hogwarts letter, the excitement level in the room was almost tangible. 

The telltale signs of excited James included a bouncing leg and a lot of shouting. When he got his school letter, his bouncing turned into hyper jumping. 

James had thundered down the stairs that morning shouting, “Today is the day!!” He sat in his chair and hurriedly poured his apple juice into his glass. “G’morning, mum. Morning, dad. Today is going to be a brilliant day, isn’t it.”

“Happy Birthday my beautiful boy.” Euphemia said, sliding an abnormally large chocolate chip pancake onto his plate. James’s father ruffled his hair from across the table.

“You only have your 11th birthday once.” James’s dad had a proud look in his eyes.

The post arrives at precisely 8:20 every morning in the Potter household. This normally occurred when they were eating breakfast. Their tawny owl, whose name was Bludger, arrived as per usual, but this time it had a letter addressed to James F. Potter. 

James had been waiting for this letter since he was born. The week of James’s birthday was not enjoyable for his parents. All they kept hearing about was his Hogwarts letter, James had read Hogwarts: A History twice through in preparation. 

He untied the post from Bludger’s leg and sorted through it at the speed of lightning. He saw a red wax seal and pulled it from the stack, tossing the rest onto the other side of the table. 

“It’s here, it’s here, it’s here!!!” James yelled. He spun around and sat unceremoniously on his wicker chair. He sat upright, his leg bouncing furiously as he tore open the seal. 

“Calm down, Jamsie, we don’t want any papers being ripped.” Euphemia chastised. 

“It’s alright mum!” James responded, as he continued to tear the paper. Neither of his legs were still any longer. 

Reading that letter was the most excited James had felt for the future thus far.

-=-=-=-

Six years had passed, and James had found a second home. Hogwarts was where he found his friends, his second family. James felt a strong sense of belonging when he was there, it just warmed his entire body to the deepest part of his soul.

James had 4 best friends at Hogwarts; Sirius, Remus, Peter, and Lily. They called themselves the Marauders, originally it was just the four boy, but they grew closer to Lily in their Fifth and Sixth years. All of them were Gryffindors and all of them believed in Muggle-born equality. 

Sirius Black came from a troubled house. His family was full of dark wizards that disowned him. In the beginning of Sixth year he moved in with the Potters and became James’s new brother. Sirius wasn’t shy at all. He did okay in school and was very good at pranking. Sirius was also an animagi, called Padfoot, but that’s another story.  
Remus Lupin came from a home where he wasn’t as appreciated as much. He was a werewolf and even though he knew that his parents loved him, it didn’t feel like that sometimes. He was a prefect in school and always received good grades, even though he was behind most   
of the pranks the Marauders pulled off. 

Peter Pettigrew was very shy and almost always the brunt of the jokes the Marauders told. He didn’t excel in school but he wasn’t in danger of failing. Peter was also an animagi, a rat. Peter was very good at scouting and knowing where all the secret locations were, which was very helpful during curfew. 

Lily Evans, in James Potter’s opinion, was the most perfect girl in the entire world. She had red hair that danced like flames in the sunlight. Her green eyes sparkled like the grass with morning dew. She was sassy, witty, intelligent, and responsible. She was a prefect and had never earned a detention in her life. She wasn’t afraid to talk James down, and very few knew how to do that. She didn’t have an animagi, but little did James know… her patronus was the matching pair to his.

Lily and the Marauders weren’t always friends, quite the opposite actually. They were almost always fighting, arguing in the corridors, yelling at each other. But last year after what Lily calls ‘The Incident’, they stopped fighting as much and became mates.

Belonging was a strong feeling, a very comfortable one that made one’s heart feel full. James felt a strong sense of belonging everywhere at Hogwarts but it was most prominent on a rainy Saturday night. The fireplace crackled with bright orange flames that reflected off of James’s round spectacles. He sat on the middle of the longest couch by the hearth. On his left was Remus, his Charms book lay open on his lap. Remus’s head slumped on James’s shoulder. Sirius was on Remus’s other side with his hair thrown back over the armrest, mouth wide open, snoring. Peter was laying on the ground at all of their feet, he too had fallen asleep with his Potions essay draped over his face, quill discarded.

James wasn’t asleep, but listening to the rain fall harshly against the windows of the Gryffindor tower. He looked at the failed study session around him and smiled. He was grateful that they had come down here in the middle of the night with no one to disturb the peaceful scene. 

Right then Lily Evans, one of Gryffindors very own prefects, came striding into the common room.

“Potter! What are you doing-” Lily exclaimed. She was cut short by James holding up a finger to his mouth and gestured at the sleeping figures around him. 

Lily Evans stopped in her tracks and looked around at the other sixth years, a ghost of a smile etched the way onto her face. She removed her red and gold scarf and bundled it up in her pale hands. Lily Evans walked over the the long couch, careful not to step on Peter, and sat herself on James’s other side.

“What happened here, Potter?” She questioned with one of her eyebrows raised. 

“Study session gone wrong, as most study session do.” James whispered turning gently so he didn’t awake anyone.

“It’s very cold outside, I’m so thankful this fire is going.” Lily said, loosening her tie. 

“Why were you outside, Evans?”

“Oh, ummm, prefect stuff.” Lily yawned and tugged a stray piece of hair behind her ear. James looked at her, those green eyes dancing with the flame. 

“You do realize how suspicious you sound, right?” 

“It’s all part of the mystery,” Lily said grinning. Her grin was infectious and soon James was smiling as well. 

Lilly folded her legs to the side and leaned on James as well. “You’re warm,” she noted and snuggled right into his side. 

“Is that a compliment, coming from the Lily Evans that used to call me an ‘arrogant toerag’?” James teased. Lily nodded as she closed her eyes.

“I don’t think that anymore. You aren’t a toerag, James.” Lily whispers as her breath deepens and she’s fallen asleep right next to him.

Her red hair is strewn about her shoulders carelessly, her stomach rising and falling with each breath. James looks at her with a bit more than adoration in his eyes. His smile is spreading across his face as he too, falls asleep. 

While everyone is sleeping the fire soon dies out, but they keep each other warm. While that day was not interesting, it held a special place in James’s heart. 

-=-=-  
James Potter was loyal to his core, so when someone decided to speak ill about his friends, things went badly. 

James Potter wasn’t often angry. He normally was amused or plotting something. Whenever James Potter got angry, everyone in his path better be careful. When James’s got angry, it was scary.

His anger reached new heights towards the end of his sixth year. It was a nice April Friday, and their lessons had just ended. Overall James lessons had gone over smoothly, one of his pranks was pulled off in Transfiguration, and Lily Evans had sat next to him in the Great Hall that morning. 

But when he saw Lily Evans and Avery Mulciber in the dungeons that night something in him broke. Lily was pushed up against a wall, Mulciber’s wand at her throat.

“You filthy little mudblood, you’re scum on the Earth! Voldemort is coming after you and he won’t spare you because you’re intelligent.” He spat in her face and stepped away. Lily’s face scrunched up trying not to show her emotions. 

As Mulciber turned to leave, he waved his wand over his shoulder. Lily Evans now had black ropes sticking her to the wall, covering her mouth. “Next time you boss me around Evans, I’ll do so much worse.” She continued to struggle but she couldn’t do anything. 

Mulciber waltzed down the hallway, whistling. He rounded the corner and he spotted the Marauders laughing and shoving each other at the end, his hands started clamming up. He knew that if they walked down where Lily was, he would be in for a bumpy ride. 

James and the Marauders, (sans Lily, they hadn’t seen her since dinner), were heading back to their dorms. But they wanted to cause a bit of mayhem in the dungeons first. Nothing too dangerous of course, they didn’t want another detention to interfere with the upcoming moon, not to mention Evans would be mad at them. 

The turn down the nearest corridor, hoping to enchant some of the suits of armor to trip people. All of a sudden they hear a muffled scream. They all stop right in there place.

Peter talks first, “Was that what I think it was?” 

Remus nods, “Perhaps we should go investigate…” All four of them sprint down the corridor, seeing a mass stuck on the wall. As they get closer James recognizes the person. 

“Lily!” James pulls out his wand and mutters, “Finite Incantatem.” Sirius helps Lily off the wall safely and crouches down next to her.

“What happened?” Remus asked, pushing a lock of hair back behind her ears.

“I- I was doing my prefect duties down here, just patrolling the corridor and he just came out insulting me, calling me a mudblood and all kinds of pureblood elitist stuff. Then I retorted and he just…” she paused to compose herself. “He shoved me against the wall and started spitting in my face. He threw my wand across the hall. As he was leaving he kind of stuck me there, I guess.” 

“Who was it Evans?” Sirius asks. Lly looks up at him and her green eyes are full of unspilled tears. 

“Don’t worry about it Sirius, I’ll handle it myself.” Lily wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and as she stood up she dusted off her robes. “Nothing I can’t take care of.”

“Bloody hell, Evans! Someone’s just hexed you, you could’ve been hurt!” James protested.

“James, I’m not hurt. Just a little shaken.” Lily looked around at the boys, who all had their eyebrows raised. “Honestly! It was only Mulciber and I’m pretty sure I can handle-” She didn’t even finish the end of her sentence before James Potter had left. Her eyes widened in realization of what she’d just done. 

“Bugger.” She shook her head, “James! Don’t you dare!” If he had heard her, he didn’t show it. Lily grabbed her wand from the other side of the corridor and started chasing after the dumb boy.

James had never run so fast to see someone he despised so much. He saw Asshole-Avery Mulciber in the hall adjacent to the Slytherin Common Room. James wand was gripped as tightly as it could have been. His eyesight had gone a bit spotty around the edges.

He bit down on his lip, he knew that Evans would be mad at him, but honestly he didn’t care. Mulciber had hexed Lily and called her foul names. No one had ever insulted James’s friends and gotten away with it. 

“Mulciber!” James voice boomed throughout the entire corridor. The Slytherin froze and turned around.

“Ah, Potter. I had a feeling that I’d be seeing one of you Gryffindors sooner or later.” Mulciber smirked. But James could see a bit of fear in his eyes. 

“Why’d you attack Evans? You’re already on thin ice Mulciber, remember what happened with Mary?” James spoke with ice in his words.

“Evans? You should side with me on this one, mudbloods have no place here. Especially ones like her.” 

“Lily Evans is better than you’ll ever be. I’m not going to side with a nasty, evil, Death Eater like you. I know that at the end of the day, I’m not sucking Moldy Voldy’s toes to try and get ahead.” James spat. 

Lily was almost caught up with James when she spotted Mulciber too. “James, don’t. He’s not worth the trouble.” Lily grabbed his shoulder and tried to turn him around. James stood right in his place, not saying a word. His vision getting more and more red by the second.

“Yeah James, listen to the ginger bitch,” Avery sneered.

James’s eyes narrowed and he was about to pull out his wand when, “Stupefy!” 

Lily had her wand out, her eyes hardened. Her cheeks faintly red. “Told you I could take care of it.”

James paid her no attention and and walked to Muciber crumpled on the stone floor, and gave him a swift kick in the rib. His hands were shaking with fury, and he would bet his broom that his eyes looked wild right now.

“James Fleamont Potter! I told you specifically not to do anything!” Lily yelled. Lily turned to the other three Marauders who were standing back sheepishly. 

“Thank you boys, but you can head back to the tower now.” James started to walk past the prefect, but she put her arm out to block him. “Oh no, not you, sir.”

Lily brushed her hair out of her face, her green eyes flashed angrily at James. The spots in his vision were dying out but he was still angry. Her eyebrows were raised, waiting for an explanation. He huffed in exasperation. 

“That was unnecessary and you know it Potter. I said I could handle it on my own. 

“You got hurt, Mulciber deserves a trite more than a kick, I’d reckon. What if he’d done what he did to Mary, with you? Mulciber is a slimy git, he should have been punished more severely. He has no right to degrade anyone like that. No wonder Voldemort took interest in him!” James voice rose as he talked. He ruffled his hair, trying to calm himself down.

“James, I can tell you’re still angry. I can see it in your eyes and quite frankly, it’s scary.” Lily said, crossing her arms in front of her chest. James froze.

“I’m sorry, Lily.”

“Potter?”

“Yes?”

“We should go back to the common room, the walk might calm you down.”

“Alright.” James walked with Lily Evans back to the dorms. And with every passing moment, he got more and more calm. The only red thing in his vision was fiery red hair. His body had stopped shaking and he was filled with a sense of relaxation. 

-=-=-

James Potter wasn’t nervous. He was never nervous. In fact, he was so prideful it hurt sometimes. Only one time that James could clearly remember being nervous was when he asked Lily Evans out. 

He thought when he finally asked her out it would be clever, she would be swept off her feet. He thought that he wouldn’t stutter, just saunter right in and pop the question, then she would say yes, and that’s it. There would be no butterflies forming a hurricane in his stomach, no sweat pooling in his palms. He never imagined it going the way it did. 

It all happened down by the lake. Not after a Quidditch match, not during a life or death situation. Just a calm afternoon after the first day of their seventh year. They were just talking about Hogwarts and how much everyone had changed since first year. 

“Remember when Sirius was somewhat tolerable?” Lily questioned.

“Honestly, no” James laughed. “But I do remember when we didn’t know Remus’s secret.”

“Me too, he used to be so shy. We were all shy during first year, well except for you.” Lily nudged his shoulder playfully. 

“You were much less sassy and hated me a whole lot more.” James smirked.

Lily looked at him seriously. “I never hated you. Maybe strongly disliked you at some points. Especially before we became good friends. But you grew up James, I did too. I’m really glad I became friends with you boys. I’m glad we’re graduating, but I’ll miss you lot.” 

“Well, this year is going to be the best year yet. Loads of fun and laughs.”

“And studying for the N.E.W.T.S., getting good grades, and applying for jobs.”

“Wow, Evans. Way to make me not look forward to our last year.”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll have plenty of fun along the way.” She sighed and laid her head down on his outstretched knees.

James didn’t like to think the happenings in his stomach was the work of butterflies. He liked to think they were Golden Snitches, waiting to be caught. But whenever Lily was casually leaning on him, the Snitches were released. 

“H-Hey Evans?” James said as his hands fiddled in his lap. 

“Yes Potter?” She replied, opening her eyes to look at him.

“I’ve been thinking and I was, well, I was wondering…” James trailed off and moved his hand to his hair. 

 

“Get on with it, we have dinner in a few.” Lily said with a smile.

“Ugh, it’s not that easy. I had a plan, and it’s not working. Okay let me start again.” He looked directly into Lily’s eyes. 

“Okay, Lily Evans, current Head Girl, chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the fifth marauder, I have a question.”

“What would that be Mr. James Potter, current Headboy, captain and chaser for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, the original Marauder?” 

“I was wondering if you would go out with me sometime?” James gulped and fixed his already straight glasses.

Lily sat up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear and smiled. James automatically smiled whenever she did. She sighed and laid back down on his legs.

James thought this was a no and started freaking out mentally, his stomach dropping, hand shaking too much to go through his hair. The Snitches in his stomach were going crazy right now.

“Honestly, I thought it would take you longer to ask. Of course I’ll go out with you James.” She laughed and it washed away every bad feeling that he’d had.

“Wait, you are saying yes? You, Lily Evans, are agreeing to be my girlfriend?” James asked incredulously. 

“If you keep going on, I might change my mind.” Lily teased. She reached over and grabbed his tan hand, intertwining it with her pale ones. They sat there smiling and holding hands until it got dark. Neither of them caring that they missed dinner.

-=-=-

James grabbed Lily’s hand and apparated with a crack away from the gruesome scene before him. They wind up in their cottage in Godric’s Hollow, James opens the front door. They walk straight up to the bathroom and start gathering their first aid supplies, in silence.   
James went to throw away a wrapper to his bandage when he noticed something in the garbage. 

“Lily?”

“Hmm?” She was putting her hair up haphazardly in a bun.

“What’s this?” James picked the box out of the trash, and turned towards his lovely Lily. 

He took a good look at his wife, she was still beautiful with a gash sweeping across her cheek. Her pale skin streaked with dried blood and dirt. Lily’s eyes were widened in surprise, she quickly moved to snatch the box away from James. 

“Lily, why do you have this?” James questioned, holding it above his head so she couldn’t reach it.

“I think you know why…” She smiled sheepishly. “That probably means I should tell you something…”

She grabbed his hand and lead him to the living room, she shooed their cat off the couch and set James down. 

“Obviously this isn’t how I wanted you to find out. Umm, I really don’t know how to say it. If you can believe it, I’m nervous. But James, I found out a couple days ago, I didn’t want to worry you until after the mission. I-I’m pregnant.” She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting for his response. 

At first James didn’t know what to think. He couldn’t wrap his mind around the fact that there was another human, inside of his favorite human. Lily kept going on, but James didn’t comprehend.

“I know it’s crappy timing, especially with the war going on, but I can’t make myself give it up. I’m sorry, James. Well, actually I’m not sorry, because this is partly your fault.” Lily was working herself into a panic.

“Lily.” She stopped mid-sentence. James stood up off the couch and grabbed her shoulders. “Hey, calm down.”

“I’m trying?” Lily looked up into his eyes. 

“Lily Ev- sorry, Lily Potter, you listen to me right now.” James’s face broke open into a grin. “I couldn’t be more excited.”

“Really? I know it’s poor timing and it’ll be tough balancing the Order and a child.” Lily breathed out. “Oh my gosh James, I’m pregnant. There’s gonna be a baby.” Lily smiled too. 

James’s eyes watered and he tried to wipe away the happy tears before they were seen by anyone else. James mind was racing, visions of the Potters’ making good memories in their house. The new baby in the nursery, James and Lily watching it play with a toy broom.

At that moment James felt hopeful, he hoped that everything would turn out all right. Even in the midst of a war there was a beacon of hope for their family, for survival. His mind was cleared, his heart pumping, and a goofy grin on his face.

Lily threw her arms around James’s broad shoulders and hugged him. James broke the hug and put his face next to her stomach. 

“I have a feeling that you, will change the world. You’ll be my new favorite person…” Lily cleared her throat and looked down at him. James corrected himself, “Well, you’ll be tied for first anyway.”

The night ended with the three Potter’s all curled up in the cozy cottage, smiling until they fell asleep.

-=-=-

Two years later, Harry was celebrating his second Halloween. The small boy was oblivious to the chaos taking place outside of his home. He was preoccupied with the small broom his godfather had gotten him. His parents were whispering in the kitchen.

“I wish we could have taken him trick or treating tonight.” Lily sighed and leaned against the counter. 

“I know, love. But Dumbledore.” James replied.

“But Dumbledore.” Lily answered. She kissed James on the cheek and gave him a small hug. James wrapped his arms around her and and for moments Lily and James stood holding each other in the kitchen.

Lily Potter glanced at the clock to discover it was later than she had thought. Lily released herself from the hug and pecked James on the cheek again before leaving the kitchen.

“Harry? It’s time for bed.” Lily walked into the living room and picked her baby boy up. James heart warmed at the sight of his two people, he loved both of them with his whole being. 

“Goodnight Harry, happy Halloween.” He smiled at the little toddler.

“Niiiiiighhhh” Harry babbled. Harry gave a small wave and rested his head on his mother’s shoulders. 

“Are you coming to bed too, love?” Lily said.

“I’ll be up in a minute, I’m gonna check outside first.” James answered. 

Lily was cleaning up the last of Harry’s toys, “I’m gonna fill Harry’s bottle and then we’ll head to bed, okay?”

“Sounds wonderful.” Lily walked to the kitchen to fill Harry’s sippy cup.

He took out his wand from the pocket of his jumper. With a flick of his wand he put out the fire and drew the curtains closed. He opened the front door and peered around. Everything looked normal, all the trick or treaters were gone for the night, leaving the sidewalks empty. The wind rustled the fall leaves out of the trees. He saw the outline of a tall man in billowy robes pass under the street lights. The man turned his head a little and James froze.

James slammed the door shut and ran into the living room. “Lily! Take Harry and go! He’s here.”

Lily froze, her eyes widening, Harry’s bottle fell out of her hands and to the ground. “There’s no way, James the charm-”

“Someone must have given him the address,” he said hurriedly. 

“James, I love you.” Lily said frantically.

“And I you. Take Harry and hide upstairs. Hurry!” Lily bounded up the stairs her mind filled with worry. If she couldn’t protect her husband, she would do everything in her power to save her son.

James looked around trying to find his wand, but it was too late. The door splintered open and Lord Voldemort had entered the home. 

The last thing James remembered was his heart pounding in his ears, as green light erupted around him. A faint scream echoed in his head. 

James Potter had been betrayed. It was the last thing he would ever feel.

-=-=-

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this little story for a while, it's my first jily fic :) I'm always open for constructive criticism!


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